


Another Little Piece of My Heart

by tomfoolery14



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Immortal Husbands, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 14:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15221366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: Sometimes Magnus had nightmares. They were never expressed violently, with rapid movements or screaming, but rather with a resignation, like someone accepting a punishment they felt deserving of.Alec had awoken many nights in Magnus’ bed to find him glazed in sweat, the muscles of his neck and jaw flexed, and sometimes even his eyelashes wet with tears. It broke his heart to see Magnus in such a state, but it was even worse when Alec didn’t wake up and wasn’t there to gently guide Magnus back to him.





	Another Little Piece of My Heart

Sometimes Magnus had nightmares. They were never expressed violently, with rapid movements or screaming, but rather with a resignation, like someone accepting a punishment they felt deserving of.

Alec had awoken many nights in Magnus’ bed to find him glazed in sweat, the muscles of his neck and jaw flexed, and sometimes even his eyelashes wet with tears. It broke his heart to see Magnus in such a state, but it was even worse when Alec didn’t wake up and wasn’t there to gently guide Magnus back to him. Sometimes he woke up to an empty bed, the sheets moist with sweat and the pillow marked with tears. Whenever Magnus left the bedroom after a nightmare, there were only two places he went: his apothecary or the balcony.

This evening, just after midnight, Alec rolled over onto his side, reaching out for Magnus, to find cold, damp sheets. Sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyelashes, Alec saw the bedroom door was open slightly. Tugging on the t-shirt he had left discarded on the floor nearby, he got up and slipped out into the living room.

Looking at the balcony doors, they were still closed and locked. The apothecary door was closed as well, but a sliver of warm, yellow light shone underneath the crack between it and the hardwood floor. Alec softly made his way over and knocked softly, a gentle rapping with his knuckles. “Magnus? Are you all right?”

The door slowly opened, revealing Magnus in the center of all the noise of the room, feet up on his desk and his forefinger and thumb rubbing together as tendrils of pale blue magic weaved between them. Next to his feet was a slightly transparent kitten with pale onyx fur and big orange eyes. Its tail was trailing across Magnus’ ankles in what looked like a loving caress when suddenly it dissolved.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Magnus asked quietly, eyes still on the spot where the cat had been.

“No, the opposite actually,” Alec replied, eyebrows slightly furrowed. “I woke up and you were gone.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” With a soft sigh, Magnus turned to face Alec, giving him a small smile and holding his hand out to him. “Come sit with me.”

With his legs bracketing Magnus’, Alec situated himself in his lap. Up close, he could see the bruise-like coloring underneath Magnus’ eyes. The delicate skin was wrinkled like tissue paper, and he stroked it tenderly with the pad of his thumb. “Can I ask you a question?”

Magnus’ expression softened into something unbearably tender. “Of course you can, my love.”

“Where did that cat go?”

Throwing his head back, Magnus let out a warm laugh, hands anchored to Alec’s thighs. “Magic,” he replied when he had composed himself enough to speak.

Raising his right hand and flexing his fingers, a pulse of magic swirled just above them, creating the image of the kitten. “When I was on my own for some time as a child, there was this cat that wandered around the alleyways, just watching cautiously. When I saw its eyes, I was…comforted, I suppose. No one else had eyes like mine, but at least something did. I found solace in that. I named it  _Bayangan_ —it means shadow in my native language.” The cat flicked its tail lazily and scampered around their heads a few times before landing back on the desk. “We both were living in the shadows at the time, and it seemed fitting. Unfortunately, she was sick and malnourished and I didn’t know yet how to help. How to save anything. But while I had her, she grounded me. Having something that depended on me kept me sane. When she passed, I created the greatest likeness I could manage so I could keep her with me in some way. And when I have nightmares, or I just need something familiar, she’s there for me.” Reaching his left hand out to the kitten, she nuzzled his palm enthusiastically. “ _Aku ratu bayangan_ ,” he cooed at her.

Alec knew there were things in Magnus’ past that were darker than he could bear, but it still hurt just the same to hear about another fragment of his past that served to splinter his heart even further. Tipping his forehead against Magnus’, Alec wished that he could reach inside his chest and give Magnus his own heart. It was bruised and battered, nothing like what Magnus deserved, but it was the most he could offer. And he wanted to.

Magnus’ hands found their way to Alec’s back, rubbing soothingly up and down his skin, leaving behind a warm, tingling sensation that left goosebumps in its wake.

“Thank you for telling me,” Alec whispered.

He could hear the smile in Magnus’ voice when he responded “Thank you for listening. Every time I open up, you’re always ready to embrace me all over again. I hardly deserve it, but it’s the best feeling in the world.”

“Well,” Alec stood carefully and held his hand out to Magnus, “you’re just going to have to practice, Mr. Lightwood-Bane. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Magnus interlaced their fingers, the metal of their wedding bands making a fragile  _clink_  sound. “How right you are, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr @royaltybane


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